It was like the second when your eyes meet, then you look away, and blush before blushes, the second the scent of skin seems to come over you because you move closer, but not close enough, like when a thousand butterflies land and come together before you get dizzy, and yes, swoon, very much like the time, walking arm in arm at night, when it occurs to you that you could actually faint, just before you faint, and the comets meet you at eye level, then rain down on you, and say it won’t last forever.
I can write the loneliest verses today.
Say, for example, “Alone is soft.”
Are we alone?
It doesn’t matter anymore, what’s below my feet.
The Scottish Play says “quiet.”
I didn’t have the heart to wake you.
It’s only a blanket.
Soft around the oils.
Eyes close in blue ridges. Dreams come.
Never again. Sometimes.
I dreamt that I opened my kitchen door
To see a lone pigeon staring up at me
Smooth gray feathers and a golden eye
I couldn’t bear to close the door…so I woke up instead
Breeze through the glories
Vines like a river, like a wave
Painted gold, leaves shimmering
When my eyes told you I love you,
you tried to touch me with your tendrils.
Your dress, worn softly and falling apart,
revealed a mouse’s treasure beneath your blooms.
And purple trumpets, emerging from your shoulders,
announced the morning rain.
I see color.
Though I have no illusions that the world revolves around me, I do think that I am spoken to. The words are always there. Sometimes they whisper, sometimes they are loud, but they are always speaking.
I’m in the same boat as everyone else, but thankfully not a large boat off the shore of some unfortunate harbor. I’m not going to name it, though, it’s already been named. It’s some version of the Scottish Play, and let’s just leave it at that. And we’re all staring out, unfortunate actors, waiting for a cue, waiting for the next act.
I had a laugh when this play began, as it was right before I was supposed to embark on some sort of personal journey for three months. Like space was going to be made for me and I would work out all the shit in my life. Oddly, space was made for me, but not in the way that I wanted. Instead, the streets and my neighborhood around me said “have a listen” and “have a look-see.”
And what I heard were birds, and fewer of them. I saw and heard Western Bluebirds, my lonely wrens and sparrows in the bushes, and an eerie calm. And I saw color in my yard – yellow, pink, lavender, and white. White is prettiest as a blooming azalea at dusk, the sky filled with dark clouds.
And so, I thought, this is the space. The world is quieting down to where I can think.
Some people seemed to get all sunshine, and some all shadow…”
The cars are a river that wake with me
Silver and silent, going nowhere
The planes are up at 6 am, but their song isn’t pretty
Instead they sear the sky and hit the birds,
blood and feathers in the wings
The lights come on
but they aren’t the sun or the bright moon
They are green and harsh
Sometimes they are red
She is erased, but I still watch her
The drunk, there
Looks like no other
peering out from the pain
ethanol sits there between us
waving like the summer heat
so there’s no embrace
only breath perception
you can’t, you aren’t
I am not
the tears don’t come, and I’m more sad than angry
but I don’t miss her anymore